Righteous Desires

Several months ago I began the process of applying for the librarian position at Rockwell High School. I was offered the position, and not long after I declined. A friend of mine emailed me today to ask why I declined. This is my response.

I turned down the library position for several reasons:

1~ No matter how I manage it~ working does inconvenience my family i.e. ~ scouts, dance, sports, piano lessons.

2~ When kids are sick they need their moms.

3~ I have to exercise. It is vital for my brain. I know that daily exercise is as important as daily scripture study. I have to do this for my sanity, and for the sake of my family. Reece notices my attitude change when I exercise. This is something that takes time, and time I don't have if I work.

4~ I really want to be a homemaker. Cooking, cleaning, sewing, nurturing, gardening, canning, teaching, etc. I can't do this the way I would like if I'm working.

5~ I want to be the wife Redge deserves.

6~ I want to build stronger relations with my relatives~ living and dead.

7~ Volunteering at the school is completely different from working at the school. In order to be the Mom/Wife/Disciple/Lyndee I want to be I can't commit to be anywhere other than my home at any point of any day.

8~ I want more free time with my kids. I don't want to be scheduled, scheduled, scheduled! I want my kids to have more free time to them to decide what it is they enjoy doing, with whom they enjoy playing, and discovering for themselves who they are inside by divine nature.

9~ I don't want my kids to be afraid to ask me a question, ask for my help, or ask for my attention because I'm so busy with school stuff that I answer with a snippy voice and/or tell them, "Shhhhh," "Not now," "Can't you see I'm busy?" "What?" "Ask Dad," and/or "When I'm done here."

Basically it comes down to this; James E. Faust said, "Our most holy places are our sacred temples. In addition to temples, surely another holy place on earth ought to be our homes." I don't think I can be the person who can create a temple like home if I'm too concerned with work. I don't think I have the time necessary to create a temple-like home if I have a job.

*Please note: I do not want to, anticipate doing, and/or should do all of the above now and/or all at the same time. Three projects at a time are all I can handle. For those of you who grasped this basic concept decades ago (which is most of my friends and relatives) I know you're already doing so much of this, and I appreciate your example and patience as I begin my own endeavor of "trying."

I wish I could handle more than I can. I wish I could accept the librarian position. I look at people like Naomi, Jenny Dipko, Becky Pili, Wyndee De Grey who are able to work, and maintain heathly, happy, gospel centered homes. This is beyond my current abilities. So, for now I'm at home. And, this is a good decision for me. I have not had a moment of regret since emailing the principal declining his offer! I feel such peace! I am very excited about all I now get to do because of my choice!

This whole experience testifies to me the truthfulness of the gospel:

1~ We are taught as Young Women to make wise choices in order to become a desirable wife. We're encouraged to get educations, learn to learn, learn to nurture, and learn companionship & discipleship. We're taught of the honor and responsibility of being women, wives, and mothers.

2~ We're taught to choose wisely a husband. A man committed to the gospel and his family.

3~ We're taught our entire lives of a living Father and Savior who love each of us, know each of us by name, and a Holy Spirit who whispers these truths to us.

4~ We're taught that by believing in these 3 beings we can go to our Heavenly Father and be answered!

5~ We are taught that our Father speaks to us not only through the Holy Ghost, but also through a living prophet.

6~ By following the teachings of our prophets we can live in faith, fearing nothing!

I have tried everyday of my life to remember my Savior. Don't get me wrong here. Just because I've tried, doesn't mean I've been successful. Many days I set out to think, say, and do only that which Jesus Christ would have me do, but then other things seem far more glittery and enticing. Nevertheless, the truths taught by my parents always take hold, and I remember. Because my parents continue to teach me, I do my best to obey. My desires bless me every day of my life. As mentioned previously and often, I married the best man EVER! I did choose wisely. (Sadly, my chose was more wise than Redge's.) I married a man committed to the Gospel of Jesus Christ, as well as his family. He supports us financially, spiritually, and emotionally. I'm grateful for the knowledge, both spiritual and temporal (although there probably isn't really a dividing line between the two, Brigham Young said,
"We cannot separate the temporal from the spiritual, but they must go hand in hand,"
and in Doctrine and Covenants 29:34-35 we read,
"Wherefore, verily I say unto you that all things unto me are spiritual, and not at any time have I given unto you a law which was temporal; neither any man, nor the children of men; neither Adam, your father, whom I created. Behold, I gave unto him that he should be an agent unto himself; and I gave unto him commandment, but no temporal commandment gave I unto him, for my commandments are spiritual; they are not natural nor temporal, neither carnal nor sensual")that I have gained throughout my life. I am grateful for my divinely given gift of hungering and thirsting after righteousness and knowledge. I study the way I do because it is innate to me. It is a gift of the spirit. (Quite noticeably, I'm still praying for the gift of charity.) I'm grateful for the knowledge I daily gain from Redge, my kids, books, scriptures, prophets, parents, siblings, friends, and the Holy Ghost. This perpetually gained knowledge helps me become the Lyndee I want to be. I'm grateful for the desire within me to be a Righteous Woman. I am very grateful for my husband, kids, friends, family, and Savior who are so patient with me as I have not yet accomplished this. I am so grateful for the answers of prayers, which help my faith to grow.

This whole gospel thing is true! Every bit of it! I know the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is true. I know Jesus Christ is my Savior and Redeemer. I know He lives! I know He is my elder brother, and He lives with our living Heavenly Father. I know the two of them know my heart, my pains, my intentions, my happiness, and my sorrows. They know my name! They know me! They love me! I know my Heavenly Father hears and answers every prayer. I know the Book of Mormon is true, as is the Bible, the Doctrine & Covenants, and the Pearl of Great Price. I know the importance of studying the pages of these books, and asking my Father in Heaven how to apply them in my life. I know Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God, sent to Earth at a specific time, with the specific duty of restoring and organizing the Church of Jesus Christ in its fullness. I know he was divinely inspired, and lead the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in the ways desired and directed by Jesus Christ. I know Thomas S. Monson is a true and living prophet of God. I know he was called of God to lead all who listen along the road to returning home to live eternally with our Father and Savior, Jesus Christ. I know these things because the Holy Ghost tells me it is so, and there is no arguing truth. It is true I tell you, every little bit.